Let’s see ... comparing Randa Jarrar and Barbara Bush

A person whose accomplishments have been few and far between showed earlier this month that if her brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose. We are, of course, speaking of Randa Jarrar, the Fresno State English teacher who exercised her right to free speech as an American by insulting the memory of Barbara Bush, another American, who died last week after living a long and productive life of 92 years.

Now, it turns out Fresno State won’t fire Jarrar for insulting Mrs. Bush and so many of her fans, because, as President Joe Castro reminded us, Jarrar has a right to free speech.

Well, I agree with that, but I also have the right to disagree with what she says, and to take issue with her in general. And so do all of you, and I think I will exercise my right just now to tell Jarrar about how free speech can be used in a kindly way.

First, let me say this: Randa Jarrar is not the ugliest woman I have ever seen. She just has terrible taste in clothes, makeup and personal grooming. Actually, I’ve never seen her, nor have I met her; I’ve only “seen” her in photographs, and I doubt whether she met Mrs. Bush. So Mrs. Bush went to her grave without having had the pleasure of meeting Jarrar, which is almost sure proof that there is a God.

Second, Jarrar was born in the United States, which makes her an American by accident, but she was reared in Kuwait, where they treat women with somewhat less generosity than Jarrar would have Mrs. Bush treated. She lived in Kuwait about the time Saddam Hussein was getting ready to invade that country, so she got out while the getting was good. And, of course, that country was rescued ... by none other than George H.W. Bush, who led the coalition that drove Iraqi forces out of Kuwait.

Third, Jarrar has proven beyond a doubt that almost anybody can become an English teacher at Fresno State, even though there are many fine English teachers there. Perhaps the good ones should be thinking right now about sending out their resumes and preparing an escape plan. Because there is an old saying that if you walk past a skunk, you will wind up smelling like one.

Now, you may be getting the feeling here as though I am overstepping my right of free speech, and you could not be blamed for that. But I would disagree. What I am overstepping are the good manners my mom taught me. For example, she taught me the rule that you should never insult a woman, and I try to follow that rule, but it could be that if a would-be woman behaves as an alligator, you can get away with telling it that it can’t come in your yard. Mom taught me that, too.

Let’s see: Who would be the best English teacher?

Randa Jarrar has written two books.

Barbara Bush wrote six.

Barbara Bush has given hundreds of speeches and lectures.

Randa Jarrar is on leave seeking out and scrambling for fame, which so far has alluded her, by writing dirty tweets about a woman whose pencils she is not fit to sharpen.